Do I KNOW you?
Tonight we will have dinner with a couple who we haven't hung out with in at least a year and 1/2. They live in Toronto...and it's pretty amazing--even though collectively we've only spent maybe 15 hours together over the last five years, there is still a great connection there.
Looking forward to my Cheesecake Factory experience tonight, I got to thinking about relationships. There are people whom I've spent hours upon hours with that I feel like I don't hardly know at all...and then there are those who I've spent relatively lesser amounts of time with that I "feel like" I know better, and then there are those people that you thought you knew, but you guess you don't, and then of course the ones who you used to know but now ya don't...whew I get tired just thinking about it all!
What I'm trying to say I guess is, at what point to you leave the 1st date syndrome and really get to know people...Is it harder to get to know people that we spend fair amounts of time with because in the back of our minds we know we'll be talking again real soon- so we remain guarded longer and then with those who we know we have short amounts of time with, we feel had better make the most of it and we let our fragile facade down much quicker? Just a question. What are your thoughts?
posted by metromom @ 2:37 PM
5 Comments:
I do not feel that you need time for a relationship to become open.
You just need a connection, based on some kind of similarities and common ground.
With some people the connection is obvious right away and with others time IS your only connection (like old friends who have changed).
What you are talking about it intimacy (not sex, just intimacy). I think intimacy requires trust because to become intimate with someone you have to open yourself up and become vulnerable.
At what point this happens I think is very different with every person. Some are very trusting and almost feel comfortable when they are vulnerable. Others have been hurt deeply in the past and never truly become intimate.
Bottom line, intimacy is in indirect proportion to insecurity. The greater the insecurity the less intimacy occurs.
Just my thoughts... am I close???
Deep Thoughts by Matt Barrett
Have you ever noticed that some people draw you out more than others? I, by nature, am not terribly open. I'm terribly honest, blunt & straightforward, but not open. There are some people who ask the right questions or create an atmosphere in which I open up even without thinking. And then there are others I've known for years that don't know me at all.
Good question, Noelle. I do know that being "intimate" takes effort. But I don't know the secret to why we connect on a deeper level with some and not with others.
I'm not sure there is a right answer. I do know that relationships are work, and good ones are even more work, though they may be natural feeling, there is still an element of work.
I remember in highschool I had the ability to shut people out with ease. Again in college I went an entire 2 years without making a friend. It wasn't that I had no friends, it's just that my friends were outside of school and I had no "need" for anyone else--so I wasn't open. I would sit next to the same people for 6 months and never really connect. I'm not sure that is something to be proud of, but the reality is there. I was sending out some sort of vibe--and it wasn't the kind that brought me any friends.
I think the responsiblity lies with both people being somewhat open to the concept of connecting in order for a connection to take place.
That is so true! In fact, I have actually thought that exactly -- "I don't need any more friends" -- so I don't try to get to know people. Since I am content at the level of friendship, I guess I probably put off a vibe, too.
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