On beoming FAB-ulous.

My dad used to always say that I shouldn't "carry the weight of the world on my shoulders." He also said that I'm "no good to anyone unless I'm good to myself first" He also said, "Use your head for something other than a hat rack." and "You're full of s**t as a Christmas Goose." So yeah, he said a lot of things...some things made sense, and others took me awhile to figure out on my own. I'm still working on the the whole, "It's better to remain silent and appear a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt." (that one's a little tricky.)

But I remember when I came to grips with a lifelong struggle...I was in my early 20's...I discovered a sickness that I would struggle with my whole life...something that if not treated could be the demise of any healthy relationship I had...That is my tendency to take responsiblity for others emotions, feelings, happiness. I'm not 100% sure when this began, but in my early 20's it was pretty obvious that I had a problem. This post isn't to outline that whole story...it would be way too long...but to share in my discovery.

I found a book that gave me new perspective. Boundaries. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to EVERYONE. It pretty much speaks to you no matter if you're where I was or if you're dealing with someone who WANTS you to take responsiblity for their lives...

At any rate one of the basic principles it deals with is taking ownership for YOUR life. The premise is that we are each responsible for our FAB. Feelings. Attitude. Behavior. That is all. We are responsible to others but not for them. This creates problems because many times we encounter people who want US to be responsible for THEIR feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. And I used to be a sucker for those kind of people. I'd bend and give until I thought I had finally made them happy, only to discover...they still weren't...and neither was I.

It's funny how you can deal with something like this, learn so much, grow so much- and then if you're not careful you fall back into this situation without even realizing. So for me its something I have to be aware of and evaluate from time to time. I'm not talking about becoming a selfish person, I'm talking about becoming responsible for me- because ultimately, I'm no good to anyone if I'm not good to myself first...thanks Dad.