The Darndest Things

I submit to you several reasons why I LOVE being around children:

1. A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

2. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

3. One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?"

4. This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
· In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
· Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
· Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
· The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
· Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
· Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
· The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
· The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
· Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
· The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
· David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
· Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
· When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
· When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
· Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
· Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
· It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
· The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
· One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
· St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
· Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

The Righteous Fall Seven Times...But They Get Back Up

I just wanted to ease your insecurities by sharing mine...I'm a pal aren't I?

Today: I am wearing CHIPPED pink toe polish

Today: I woke up 35 minutes later than I should (for the third time this week)

Today: My mom will receive her birthday gift...Her birthday is January 3rd.

My batting average for accomplishing my BABY STEPS is pretty low.

At least I can still say a few nice things to people, (If I think them....) and sign my name with my new consistent signature. (You gotta celebrate successes, ya know?)

Ok...Ok...I'll fill ya'll in...

Sorry to keep you in suspense... my life has been a whirlwind of meetings, work, meetings, work, helping friends move, stuff, stuff.....crazy this last week...I've got a couple evenings without major plans- now I'm free to plan/help coordinate a 3 year old birthday party...superbowl party, a one year church anniversary party, a couples event, a 30th birthday, enjoy a visit with my parents...all in the next two weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (oh, and enjoy valentines day with my sweetie....) I LOVE February- (I'm tired already, and I've still got 27 days to go!)

Last Weeks Lessons Learned:

1. Check card fraud is rampant. Two "ladies" in Chicago got a hold of my husband's card numbers somehow, created their "own" cards linked to his account and bought a bunch of athletic gear all over the Chicago Ridge Mall. Ran that account until it was empty. So we've taken the steps to make it right but a check card is a lot harder to dispute than a credit card...When it's Visa or Mastercards' money being stolen they work REAL hard to get it back. When it's your OWN checking account- there are a whole lot more hoops to jump through. I'm moving to a cash only system...(ok, so I'm not sure about that either...) But truly we were violated!

2. The guy at work, he's okay. He didn't suffer any major brain damage...but lots of blood and I'm sure a nice law suit for the security company that manages the security doors here at our building. They decorated his cube with hard hats, caution tape, a body outline...he hasn't been back to work, but when he DOES come back I'm sure he'll appreciate that.

3. Four of the FIVE Phoenix water treatment plants were shut down last week due to the huge amount of rain we've recieved. When I say huge I mean nearly three inches in January when our desert usually gets less than one. So they were I guess having issues keeping up and had to close down a few...there was "muddy" water, not necessarily unsafe, but they took the precautions they felt necessary. One of the largest metro areas in the country without water for 24 hours. Brush your teeth with bottled water, coffee shops and restaurants closed...just weird. It actually didn't personally affect me at my new house because we have Scottsdale water, but had I lived in my previous location it would have been no showers for me. Things are back to normal in that arena...but you do take for granted what is an everyday necessity when suddenly it is NOT available, ya know?

OK, is your insatiable curiousity appeased? Can you step off for a minute...jeez people!?!!!

On a positive note...things at our church are going great...there is a feeling of momentum in the air and "synergy" (hands clasped together "In Good Company" style...hail Teddy K- GREAT movie.) It is a great feeling. We've had some changes and bumps in the road as EVERY church does, but it really feels like people are stepping up and taking ownership of "their" church- an excitement and anticipation for what lies ahead in 2005 is really growing in my heart.